I went to write this post 5 years after my last one, and without reading the intro paragraph to the 2020 version, I almost completely repeated it. Turns out, as much as things change…such as me having three kids and becoming a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach since my last post, many things still stay the same. I still live by (and share), the beautiful quote that, “You can’t be half of a whole, until you’re a whole half.” We need to be our first loves, because we are the person we spend the most time with. When we are loving ourselves, it’s easier for the relationship puzzle piece to fall into place. And it’s easier to be in a relationship when you feel strong and secure in yourself. I’ve learned through my time as a Conscious Parenting Coach that the majority of people have lots to heal – you may have heard of our “inner child” – so that is a perfect place to start…with yourself, with your inner child, with your own self-love. But whether you’re looking for a relationship, you’re in one and looking to improve it, or you simply appreciate the preparation and self-improvement and work that comes with keeping a mutually-respecting relationship, then I have some book suggestions for you.
PS – Please don’t forget to check out my first post, because all those books are still relevant!
I Didn’t Sign Up For This by Dr. Tracy Dalgeish
The subtitle for this book is, “A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships…Including Her Own.” That subtitle really says it all – Dr. Dalgeish weaves together her clients stories with her own, showing us how our past experiences shape us, and how we bring that history into our current/future relationships. She helps readers recognize unhealthy patterns, with hopes to choose (and work towards) a different path forward.
8 Rules of Love: How to Find It, Keep It, and Let It Go by Jay Shetty
Jay Shetty offers an easy-to-read guide to love in all its forms – romantic, self-love, and more. While the concepts may not be groundbreaking, Shetty presents them in a fresh, engaging way, blending modern wisdom with the ancient Vedic philosophy of the Four Ashrams, drawn from his time living as a monk (his book, Think Like a Monk, is also very much worth reading). 8 Rules of Love is filled with practical exercises that encourage reflection, helping readers not just seek love but also give love.
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. and Nan Silver
This book is a research-backed guide to building a strong, lasting relationship. It’s based on decades of studying real couples, and with that real knowledge, Dr. Gottman breaks down what makes marriages thrive. The topics include increasing your knowledge about each other, nurturing your admiration for each other, communicating about the mundane parts of life, letting your partner influence you, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock, and creating shared meaning. This book is really a workbook to go through together as a couple, to help strengthen bonds and deepen your understanding of your spouse, and vice versa.
Let Them by Mel Robbins
I want to point out that I’ve been reading about how the Let Them poem by Cassie Phillips was likely the inspiration for this book, even though Mel Robbins doesn’t name it. The Mel Robbins book, although not a relationship book, offers a powerful mindset shift that applies to all areas of life – including relationships (the book does have a relationship section specifically). Instead of trying to control, change, or convince others to act differently, Robbins encourages readers to simply let them – allowing people to be who they are and making peace with what that means for us. In the section on relationships, she highlights how much energy we waste trying to get partners to meet our expectations rather than accepting them as they are. By focusing on what we can controlâour own choices, boundaries, and reactionsâwe create healthier, more fulfilling connections. “Let Them” is always followed by “Let Me” – control what you can!
Hold Me Tight by Dr. Sue Johnson
While this book would not be my first choice, it does offer valuable insights into why we seek security and closeness in relationships. Dr. Johnson delves into the emotional bonds that hold relationships together. The book, and her approach, uses Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), that looks at how our adult attachment needs mirror those we had as children – as we shift our primary attachment figure from our parents to our partners. Dr. Johnson provides seven key conversations, helping couples understand and meet each otherâs needs – here is another book that can be used as a couple’s workbook.
Happy reading, and strengthening your relationships, with others, and yourself!