Lauren Rodych-Eberle
Calgary, Alberta, CANADA

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Why My Child Chooses Who To Hug
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Blog, Parenting, Wellness

Why My Child Chooses Who To Hug

September 9, 2021
-
Posted by Lauren Rodych-Eberle

I believe in bodily autonomy. Bodily autonomy is defined as, “the right to make decisions over one’s own [body]. It is about being empowered to make informed choices.” 

When it comes to my child(ren), I want them to learn bodily autonomy right from the get go. I want them to know that their body is their own and that they can choose what they want to do with it, when they want to.

Now, how does this play out with a child so young? It starts by adults being okay with hearing the word “no,” or seeing a head shake “no,” or understanding a cry “no,” or responding to a body-tense-up “no”. 

I have never forced my daughter to hug anyone, because I don’t want to teach her that she has to do anything with her body that she doesn’t want to do herself. I’ve shared this often, and with it comes a lot of push back from people, saying things like, “how can you not make sure your child hugs their grandma and grandpa goodbye?” Truth is, I fully understand if my daughter doesn’t want to hug her grandma, or grandpa, or auntie, or uncle, or cousin, or dad, or me for that matter!! 

I often explain it to people by getting them to think of a child as an adult. How would YOU feel, as an adult, if you were told you had to hug, or kiss, or hold hands, with someone? 

How to implement this:

  • Ask The Child: My phrases are usually something like, “Do you want to give grandma a hug? A high five? Do you want to blow a kiss?”
  • Be Okay with “No:” If they don’t want to do any of those things, that’s okay! I then follow up with something like, “That’s okay. Maybe next time if you want to!” Or “Alright, I’m going to wave goodbye to grandma!”
  • Be Confident with Your Boundaries: Not everyone is going to be okay with this. But I would rather take the brunt of it, than my child. This is when I will say to those people, “She will hug you when/if she’s ready.” And if I need to, I explain more of the why behind these choices. 

Here’s My Why!

I want my children to grow up and become adults who don’t feel guilt that then forces them to do something they don’t want to do. 

If I teach my children they have to hug someone even when they don’t want to, what is going to happen when they are older and someone tells them they have to do something more physical? Or what if someone simply asks them to do something more physical, and they are too scared to say no, because they’ve never been allowed to?

“No” is an important word. “No” is a full sentence. And “no” starts before babies can even say it!

September 9, 2021
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ABOUT ME
I’m Lauren and I have a deep passion for music, food, the outdoors, and travel. I love random questions and fun facts, and am always searching for better ways to bring wellness and health into my life. I am the owner of Miss Lauren’s Music Studio, where I teach voice, piano, ukulele, and preschool music classes – via Skype and within Calgary. I am a Senior Consultant for Pampered Chef, which has inspired me over the years to write two cookbooks (plus one mini ebook cookbook), that have food preparation made easy in the forefront.
LET’S STAY IN TOUCH!


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HIKING SCAVENGER HUNT
INSTAGRAM FEED
Ready to hear my biggest overwhelm? The stuff. I Ready to hear my biggest overwhelm?

The stuff. I know this is a privileged point, so please be kind. I’ve always attempted to be a wannabe-minimalist (seeing as I have two of everything living between two places, but I want everything to have a purpose and a ‘home.’). 

I’ve very much noticed this be a trigger point for me since having kids, because J and I both have big families, and although their gift giving comes with so much heart and generosity, I’ve tried to find ways to bring in less stuff and to teach my kids to appreciate each gift, sooo less is more. 

Many years ago, my siblings adopted Sibling Christmas where instead of gifts, we have a special night out together! We love this tradition. After the overwhelm I felt this Christmas, being generously gifted Eberle gifts for now TWO kids, I asked J’s siblings if we can adopt a family-friendly event next year and remove all aunt/uncle/cousin gifts. Shout out to all my brother/sister-in-laws for getting on board. 

With C’s birthday party coming up, she asked for no gifts (OR a book as a gift).

Small steps, but always trying!!

Have you found any ways to minimize the stuff chaos in your house?!
You know what’s the trickiest thing to navigate You know what’s the trickiest thing to navigate while solo parenting?

Taking your car to the shop with car seat aged kids. 

Do you hang out in the shop with the kids for hours? Do you bring travel car seats and install them to get them home? Honestly, what have y’all done? Having another human help isn’t the solution here for me this time…😅
There is no one more present than a baby. Our kidd There is no one more present than a baby. Our kiddos have so much to teach us. 

#babyrodycheberle2
🎶’Cause I got a roof over my head I got a war 🎶’Cause I got a roof over my head
I got a warm body in bed
I'm doing alright right where I'm at
With what I have

[I got a Jeep, I got a dog]
I got what they call a dream job
Plenty to want, nothing wrong with that
But I'm happy with what I have

I got the air, good eyes to see
Got so much more than I'll ever need
Even the bad days ain't all that bad
With what I have🎶
-Kelsea Ballerini
It’s not a competition, but if J was trying to w It’s not a competition, but if J was trying to win at Christmas, he did. For my gift he booked @throughcarrieslens to come follow our family on our Anniversary hike this year and take pictures of our butts…🤣 Maybe it’s because he knows pictures of him wearing our babies has me like…😍

Countdown to see you, @throughcarrieslens!
“Don’t worry so much about raising good kids t “Don’t worry so much about raising good kids that you forget you already have them.”🤍
J: Can we start weekly date night again? Also J: J: Can we start weekly date night again?

Also J: Okay, see you in two weeks after our road trip. 

[A real conversation we had recently…
Appreciate the sentiment, AND weekly may have been a bit ambitious.]
Thank you to @babyknitsco for this toque. Thank yo Thank you to @babyknitsco for this toque. Thank you to @schoenanigans for this onesie that will live on for every kiddo. Thank you to my non-Instagram husband for these babies.
Ready to hear my biggest overwhelm? The stuff. I Ready to hear my biggest overwhelm?

The stuff. I know this is a privileged point, so please be kind. I’ve always attempted to be a wannabe-minimalist (seeing as I have two of everything living between two places, but I want everything to have a purpose and a ‘home.’). 

I’ve very much noticed this be a trigger point for me since having kids, because J and I both have big families, and although their gift giving comes with so much heart and generosity, I’ve tried to find ways to bring in less stuff and to teach my kids to appreciate each gift, sooo less is more. 

Many years ago, my siblings adopted Sibling Christmas where instead of gifts, we have a special night out together! We love this tradition. After the overwhelm I felt this Christmas, being generously gifted Eberle gifts for now TWO kids, I asked J’s siblings if we can adopt a family-friendly event next year and remove all aunt/uncle/cousin gifts. Shout out to all my brother/sister-in-laws for getting on board. 

With C’s birthday party coming up, she asked for no gifts (OR a book as a gift).

Small steps, but always trying!!

Have you found any ways to minimize the stuff chaos in your house?!
You know what’s the trickiest thing to navigate You know what’s the trickiest thing to navigate while solo parenting?

Taking your car to the shop with car seat aged kids. 

Do you hang out in the shop with the kids for hours? Do you bring travel car seats and install them to get them home? Honestly, what have y’all done? Having another human help isn’t the solution here for me this time…😅
There is no one more present than a baby. Our kidd There is no one more present than a baby. Our kiddos have so much to teach us. 

#babyrodycheberle2
🎶’Cause I got a roof over my head I got a war 🎶’Cause I got a roof over my head
I got a warm body in bed
I'm doing alright right where I'm at
With what I have

[I got a Jeep, I got a dog]
I got what they call a dream job
Plenty to want, nothing wrong with that
But I'm happy with what I have

I got the air, good eyes to see
Got so much more than I'll ever need
Even the bad days ain't all that bad
With what I have🎶
-Kelsea Ballerini
It’s not a competition, but if J was trying to w It’s not a competition, but if J was trying to win at Christmas, he did. For my gift he booked @throughcarrieslens to come follow our family on our Anniversary hike this year and take pictures of our butts…🤣 Maybe it’s because he knows pictures of him wearing our babies has me like…😍

Countdown to see you, @throughcarrieslens!
“Don’t worry so much about raising good kids t “Don’t worry so much about raising good kids that you forget you already have them.”🤍
J: Can we start weekly date night again? Also J: J: Can we start weekly date night again?

Also J: Okay, see you in two weeks after our road trip. 

[A real conversation we had recently…
Appreciate the sentiment, AND weekly may have been a bit ambitious.]
Thank you to @babyknitsco for this toque. Thank yo Thank you to @babyknitsco for this toque. Thank you to @schoenanigans for this onesie that will live on for every kiddo. Thank you to my non-Instagram husband for these babies.
In honour of @michaelferraro_music’s birthday, h In honour of @michaelferraro_music’s birthday, here’s a serious throwback. Go give his band @pinebarren.music a follow!

#lebsinging #nashvillecover
ABOUT

Owner of Miss Lauren’s Music Studio. Author of the Brownie Pan Every Damn Day Cookbooks. Consultant for Pampered Chef. Lover of Random Questions.

LET’S STAY IN TOUCH!


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